What fluttery feeling fills my mind so?
Why my quickening heart beats in frenzy
When I hold your frail fingers in my grasp
And pull you closer to count your heartbeats
As in unison these frantic pumps hum
The melody so sweet to Cupid’s ears?
Ah my sweet silken-skinned angel-voiced love,
Today we dine, wine, tender kisses share
To build this seed beyond our human grasp.
Forever feels like now and though time’s pleats
Unfold to drive us to top or bottom,
Now feels right; the benchmark to future years.
The fear the future bears my enthralled heart…
The fear that in future we grow apart
Grips my night time dreams as you in my grasp
Peacefully cuddle close in cosy sheets
As if to console thoughts so bothersome,
Thoughts of you looking back as my heart shears.
To miss the well won’t leave my spirit well.
To miss you…well…pain I can hardly tell,
For just the thought stings like hornets: a wasp
For each bone, tissue thought…I clutch the sheets.
Now feels right: you peaceful on my bosom
Healing these imps which are but baseless fears.
Quietly waiting…patiently waiting.
It’s been 30 long years in this carousel
Going round and round without abating:
Same pane on the windows and tears on the curtains,
The changing weather leading to animals mating
And flowers changing, then dying, then blooming again
Contrasting so badly to my life monotonously deflating.
Some say it’s ageing, the journey we all will take
To grey and wither, but I’m heavily hating
The fact that it but happens to me. The same thing
Over and over, but as disappointing as bad blind dating.
The same sorry sentences engraved in processed wood
To misinform me, make me mellow, sedating
My wisdom to the point I know no better
Than to sit distraught, depressed, desperately waiting;
Waiting for the change Sam Cooke promised.
Waiting instead of starting change, waiting patiently.
What can I do about the fact that you’ve left?
Tears? Beat the ground till it’s deeply cleft
And opens to let you out?
From heaven, can you hear me shout?
Why does such a natural process feel like theft?
They say there’s such a time as fit for farewell.
Well, I’ve learnt you can’t believe all you hear tell,
For I still know your number
My thumbs vividly remember,
How they dialed your sweet voice to make me feel well.
Can you describe a baby’s smile? Let me try:
A breath of fresh air while the sewage tanks are drained;
That momentary silence when gunshots fill the air;
Cool palm oil on your tongue after your first crab curry;
when you shut your eyes to stop incoming traffic glare;
when a persistent cramp finally disappears;
Taking off your blistering work shoes when the day is done.
The pureness of the lines, and the innocence written in an infant’s smile cast all my stress away.
Unrestrained, untainted. The pure expression of appreciation that says: “Yes, you count”, “Thank you!”, “I love you” without uttering a word.
Those 5 seconds where everything means so much more, where nothing else matters than how happy this human being is of the mutual expression of love, as you smile back.
In the comments, tell us what your baby’s smile is like to you….